I can’t find it – I’d read somewhere that Orlando ranks worst in drivers’ skills and safety. I know we are solid-worst for pedestrian deaths, but I wanted to round it out with this statistic. Couldn’t find it. Tsk.

I started to realize it as I chatted on the bike forums. Some riders would report going weeks if not months without a right-cross or left-hook. Me, I get them virtually every day. I watch motorists bolt in and out of traffic. I see them stop in travel lanes for the damnedest reasons (or no reason at all). And red lights? At every light, at least one car runs right through it.

Oh, we blame tourists and old people, but no, frankly, from what I see from my saddle, its just the yuppie underclass. How many times have I seen unassuming, well meaning drones pull amazingly stupid stunts in traffic? It’s common to see “mom” on her cell, whipping though  a red left turn, no signal, not even looking up from her call. Every day I see this same shit.

We’re dickheads. Not the old drivers. Not the tourists. We are.

We overrun the hold-stop lines, yet we can’t place our car within six feet of the bumper in front of us. We don’t signal (goddamn, none of us!). We don’t change lanes until we’re right on top of the car ahead. And around bikes, we are criminal in the casual bone-crushing risks we toss out.

And cycling? We ride with dark clothing, no lights, not even looking up from our Ipuds while wobbling through traffic.

Pedestrians? You simply wouldn’t believe the shit I see in Eatonville, a very pedestrian area. People make it a point to walk in front of me – its some sort of put down, a dominance thing – make the cyclist avoid you. Hell, one night, coming home from work and class, I had three people dick with me in Eatonville. And since they might be packing, I just go around them and keep rolling, fast and hard.

But it’s good to see we are recognized for our shittery, our ability to back into people in parking lots, to hit-n-run, to ignore red lights, to cut off wheelchair-bound pedestrians when they have the light and crosswalk, all that shit. We are nothing but monsters in this city.

How we sleep at night, I don’t know.

Oh, that’s right. We live in gated communities with a garage filled with Escalade FUVs. We have things. We don’t need souls.