I hate: Jeeps

I hate: Jeeps

 hate Jeeps.

You can tell a lot about people by what they drive. I generally thought VW owners such as myself were eco-conscious hippy-throwbacks (or people who embraced that life-look). Generally I was right. Beetle drivers tended to run smooth. I remember the day I saw one driving with a cellphone and not signaling, I felt betrayed.

BMW owners and Cadillac Escalade owners, I got ya. I know that it’s that pushy channeled-textile-mill-owner stuff coming up, the wealth-makes-right stuff, that makes you that way. As Douglas Coupland said, BMW drivers drive so horribly because they believe their car’s ad copy.

But Jeeps.

Four times this weekend, I saw Jeep drivers do horrible stunts in traffic. One ran herself down a merge lane, cut a car off and flipped him off. Another passed two cyclists on a two-lane road, diving back in to avoid oncoming traffic (which had been visible before the executing this stunt) and nearly swept the cyclists out of existence.

Yeah, we get that you have formed your own “tribe”, that it’s some sort of Jeep thing that civilized people don’t understand. And that’s fine. But for the same reasons I don’t want wolves to howl under my window at night and run in packs down my suburban streets, I don’t want you in my city either. So pack up all your North-Face crap into your Jeep and go live in the country, perhaps in a hallowed out tree or an old derailed boxcar. Live out in the wilderness where you can play out your hunter-gatherer dream, at least until a fracture or a infected tooth or a heavy snowfall kills you.

But we don’t want you in civilization.

Not like that.