his goes beyond my usual hatred of slack-jawed mobile twits who endanger me on the road and need to be coddled by the rest of us when they walk. If there is something I really, really hate, it’s people who confuse being clever with owning a tech toy.

This happens a lot. Someone pulls out their penis-baker and googles something or flashes to the current news or shows how easily they can place stock bids or whatever-de-fuck. Really, only a small percentage of us are envious. Most of us quietly endure your graceless little boasting much like adults will smile thinly and nod reassuringly at a child’s preenings. But no, we don’t care. You are not your iPhone, your dataplan, or anything else. If anything, you are a stunted individual who doesn’t understand context and history and interconnectedness. You think “niggardly” is a bigoted word, and you don’t know anything about the Battle of Midway or The Conquest of the Americas or anything until you can wiki it.

Someone did this to me recently, boasting when he pulled a minor coup by snapping up something I’d responded via email to. He actually gloated. And what did he imagine I’d think of him? “Golly, I wish I had a flashy phone like him?” Fuck no. My opinion of him dropped several notches. To gloat over something like is not only uncool, it’s fucking tech-trendy shitheadedness.

Someday, perhaps someone you love will be struck down in a crosswalk by a cellphoner driver. Then you can tell me how much you like your drool-jaw toy.

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