here is a story I read years ago. Deathrow. On one side of the aisle, there is a brute of a man, stupid and blunt. On the other, “The Professor”, an intelligent yet ruthless killer. Tonight, the Professor is going to the chair. A priest stands clear of the bars between the cells, administering to the doomed man’s needs. But the Professor ignores him, facing the far wall, pushing against it, stopping, pushing, stopping. Ignored, the priest asks him why he is doing that. The Professor tells him that he cannot press through the wall because his molecules are colliding with  those of the wall. But perhaps, and it’s a billion to one, the molecules might align and he’ll pass through the wall. Across the way, the brute heckles and laughs, knowing what the man is attempting is impossible. Getting nowhere with the straining man, the priest returns to his room to gather his articles of faith for the coming execution.

Suddenly, screaming from deathrow! The priest rushes back with the guards. They find the brute screaming in insanity, bashing his head into his own wall. And across the way, the Professor’s cell is now empty.

And on the flagstones of the exercise yard, four floors down, lays the crumpled body of the late Professor.

The reason I bring this up is that I saw much the same thing while manning the western subdivision’s dispatcher desk at ops. It was at Martin Yard. I had four trains coming east (a freight, Mingo Turn, the stack train, Zanesville Turn). Coming west downgrade was the empty coal train, 415. I’d written him paper to Martin, to hold short of the yard lead on main track 1. When he called there, I wrote west to Zanesville siding, with orders to wait for all four trains. At that point, passenger 95 reported ready in Pittsburgh. I wrote paper to the varnish to also take main track 1 under restricted, to not foul ahead of 415, and to proceed under restricted speed to Zanesville main. I then explained to him that he would be following the empty coal run to Zanesville and pass him there. And with 415 pinned by the four movements, the two westbounds would wait for the four westbounds to clear into Martin Yard.

Or so I thought.

Since nobody was calling clear of mains (I’m calling out just about everyone last night), I could only wait for the two westbounds to call at Zanesville. After about ten minutes, 95 reported in. “Very good, 95. I assume 415, empty coal, is holding next to you on the siding?”

“No, nobody is there.”

And thus, my story. With 95 clearly ordered to fall in behind 415 and confirming that as an understanding, somehow he managed to pass through him (or possibly ran without authority down track 2) and then somehow teleported through three trains! How could this be. By the time the session had ended, most of crews involved in this certified miracle had gone home. However, 104 (the stacks) noted that as he was approaching Zanesville (with clearance all the way to Martin Yard) he saw the passenger train bearing down on him and made an emergency dive into the siding as it pulled into the station.

I suspect he ran down the wrong main, and since I was counting on 415’s bulk to pin him in place until the westbounds all got clear, possibly that’s how he managed it. God only knows how he missed the others.

And while on the subject of creative use of warrants, that same pass-through-walls Zanesville Turn had gotten originally to Zanesville to do his work (I gave him permission to use all tracks at last named point (Zanesville) for switching). But I knew he had to continue to Carbon Hill to pick up one car. Yet the next time he contacted me, he was ready to return to Martin Yard. “Um, so how did you get over to Carbon Hill without a warrant?” “You said, use all tracks. So I used the track that goes to Carbon Hill”.

I don’t know. Maybe next time I dispatch, I’ll use a magic 8 ball or a Ouija board. There was certainly a lot of creativity out there that night.

And some “Never agains”. Shelfton Turn – you need to have sufficient power to make it over there. One clapped-out F-unit? According to the TT&TO timetable, it’s 14 miles from Martin to Shelfton. Making it in two trips isn’t kosher. I don’t pay my crews to joy-ride up and down my busy Pittsburgh main, burning up a bunch of warrants.

And as for a certain over-long someone. Going forward, nobody but passenger trains are going through the Pittsburgh terminal. If your non-varnish can’t fit between the diamonds at Pittsburgh, you can’t go (or need to run it in sections. Too long.

A little hint for a guy with empty slurry tanks at Carbon Hill. When you get into a siding and you are too long, that’s fine. just report you are there and fouling and Bob’s yer uncle. The train you were meeting was short. You can easily saw by. No read to manually pick up cars to clear behind you. A long train and a normal train can pass. Two long trains, well, that’s another matter. I was just surprised when what should have been a simple meet turned into something dark and unholy.

So, maybe I should say some nice things.

Give me a moment.

Okay. Tonight we had one of the youngest-ever yardmasters. Jude worked East Martin Yard and survived the night (remember that first story, about the four westbounds going into Martin Yard. Well, they all fell onto the kid’s lap. Seemed like he coped. I didn’t hear any crying.

Steve Bohn did a fantastic job on the East Subdivision. Not only was he passing trains across the division point all night, he never overstacked and always warned me when one was gliding downslope to Red Rock. He was cool and collected, and hardly wimpered at all. Maybe I’ll put him on the west side and break his will to live.

Kyle’s interlocking seemed to work well. Doc Andy’s radios did wonders – it beat shouting through the doors. That section of track was in Steve’s district and they really worked well together.

I’ll also mentioned that Matthew did a great job over in Calypso. This guy continues to impress.

And a lot of you didn’t get mention because you ran clean and crisp and didn’t raise my ire (other than not calling into yards and off my division). The LM&O seems to be the Blue Angels of warrants. Really, when you think about it, the session ran pretty quietly. Everyone did well.

Did I insult everyone? Am I covered? Anyway, we’ll be trying this all again in a couple of weeks. Not sure who’s in the lineup for what jobs but we’ll find out. Not sure of the Saturday Night Special date yet – we’ll discuss in next week’s biz meeting.

And don’t forget – vote YES for Interlocking!

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