When I die, do not…

When I die, do not…

Bruno Stachel: Chivalry? To kill a man, then make a ritual out of saluting him – that’s hypocrisy. They kill me, I don’t want anyone to salute.
Willi von Klugermann: They probably won’t.

If I die, do not get a memorial decal for your back car window, listing my dates and some slogan about always being in your heart or whatever. Don’t. It’s as tacky as dragging a tombstone about in public.

If I’m killed on the road, bike or car, do not allow the state to put up one of those cheap aluminum lollypop signs with the “Drive safe” slogan on them. I don’t want the state to make my passage a lame PSA.

No shabby wooden crosses either. I’m an agnostic. Anyway, the state will just come along, pull it down, then put up a lollypop.

Do not put stuff animals or flowers or other trash on the location I die. All that shit just wilts away after a few days in the Florida weather, and I’m too much a writer not to see the symbolism of that.

If I die in some act of terrorism, do not allow my name, image, or anything about me to be used in any memorials. Christ, ten years later, they are still wailing bagpipes at the site of the twin towers. I’ll note that the “Flying man” phenomenon was not a glorious departure from all the world’s evil, it was just a shit-scared man falling to his death. Afterwards, everyone interpreted beauty into it.

If I am the first to succumb to a disease, do not name it after me. I don’t want people to only remember me for my degrading death.

Don’t tie “lest we forget” into anything about my death. Everyone forgets.

No memorial bike rides, please. If you couldn’t be bothered to turn around our car culture and ride in the cold, the rain, and the wind like I did, I don’t want you out on your Walmart bike after the fact.

Cry quietly if you must. No wailing.

And don’t salute.