uick one this time since I had an eyeball issue yesterday and three hours of dental work today (getting old sucks, and yes, I know about the alternative, but it still sucks).
Anyway, working on a CYOA (Choose Your Own Adventure) game – just doing preliminary encounter testing now. There is a bit where you are in a bar. I found myself spooling out this:
You order a glass of bourbon and sit down. Then you see someone you know enter.
Hey, I’m a writer. I’m better than this wordy script. Since we already know you are in a bar, having a glass bourbon in your hand assumes you either brought it in, it was magically conjured up, or you ordered it. The intelligent assumption is the third.
So now, tightening it in all sorts of ways:
Over your glass of bourbon you note an acquaintance enter.
So that’s our lesson – sentences can always be structured to not waste valuable time and words. Throw out the obvious. Combine your imagery. Polish your writing until it shines.