wake up in a sunny room. Surprising, It’s not the train crew flophouse I’m used to. A woman in white comes in to put a vase of flowers on the sill. Is this Heaven? No, wait – she’s a nurse! Is this a hospital? Was my train in a wreck?

Then I see the embroidered lettering on her apron. Zanesville Sanitarium. I’m in the nut house!

Yes, you guys put me there. What a frustrating session. I think I must have answered about thirty questions and found at least two drifting engines that had shorted the layout. It’s a little hard to focus on switching work when you are in constant interruption.

Oh, the session started out fine. Zach took Dispatching which let me out on the road (and thanks (maybe) for that). I got out right at midnight on 927, the Zanesville Turn, right on Shannon’s rear markers. While he pulled in to track 2 at Weirton, I nipped around him and took the siding at Mingo to meet Silver Bullet 2 and 202. Then over to Zanesville where I dropped off the high iron into the industrial track, meeting coal 414. So far the morning had been textbook.

Then I noticed that Eli was working the racks up on the GM Plant spur, slowly building a train to take to Bound Brook. He was just starting down and Dispatcher Zach asked if I could clear the industrial siding for him and run over to Carbon Hill to do my morning work there. Nothing like stumbling around a deep-valley coal mine in the dark, so yeah, sure.

That was troublesome in itself since I’d blocked my train to work the GM plant first, leave the outbounds up there, run over to the mine and finish that work. With the whole train there, it was a bit of a trick to maneuver around it. Finally got that sorted and had to literally drag the train up the stiff grade – I was supposed to second tick Dispatch and I’d already lost a lot of time. With a full train, my little GP-9s needed a push to get them up to the high turnout.

As I did that, Jude showed up with 244, the second eastbound freight. Seeing him there made me realize how late I was. We both looked at each other, trains standing still, a what are we waiting for look.Then I realized Eli was still bringing cuts down from the GM plants. He had on engine bringing one section down, another bringing a second section, and was chalking a pentagram on the floor. This is like watching my wife parallel park a car. Finally he rolled out, 244 got his warrant and rolled after him (big checkbox 4, carefully watching that weird train ahead) and I picked up one to Zanesville.

Besides Jude running 244 smoothly and professionally, I did see Mike on 414 competently mounting the summit, fun to watch. So there was some sort of skill in play on the line tonight.

Now, I had a guest the entire time who was chatting away, friendly enough but distracting. And I’d already answered a dozen member questions/problems (hint: if you don’t have engines or throttles, you need to get into the club a little early and arrange for suitable equipment. Mid-session is not the time for me to be running around to tool you up). I was already fraying. Got into Zanesville, worked Carolina and then pushed the cuts up to Coca-cola and GM, pulled the others down. None of my pickups were easy to get. Finally I got down to the industrial rail and worked Corrugated Box. And that’s when, with my guest asking questions, Patrick fussing about the Wifi and Mike coming to me about a better way to do steel mill paperwork, I realized I’d left a drop for Corrugated on the train and had to fetch it out. I found myself grinding my teeth. And the next thing I knew, I was in the loony bin.

I guess I must have got the train into Martin where Bob and Steve were doing a fantastic job on a new system with mislabeled lading slips (and they did not bother me once). Since it was already 8pm (twenty hours on one job?) Zach decided to finish the night on the desk. As for me, I went over to the steel mill to check things. Eric and Frank had signed up for all sorts of jobs and done exactly none of them. Picked up a mill engine set and moved coal in and MTs out. Got the ores out. Patrick was supposed to do the limestone out but by the time he showed up with some engines he’d found (gray SP GP-9s – hey, those are mine!) I’d already finished. Still, now we have slag all over the plants and the mill is on the horn to LM&O HQ, screaming bloody murder.

I don’t know what Calypso Yardmaster was doing during all this (except missing the fact that kids had gotten into his east-end units driven them out onto the main). In future, since he only handles four trains (easy-peasies) he should also monitor the mill and get those jobs done. If it’s not too much to ask.

It was a tough session, indeed. It ended with the toilet breaking and me having to MacGyver a temporary fix. Those questions (and ones from other recent sessions) are listed below. We will review them in next week’s business meeting, with dope-slaps for wrong answers. In the end, it was all I could do to drag myself out to my car and yell at the kids to get off the lawn.

Come on, you guys. Mike and Jude and Steve and Bob did just fine. On varnish, Peter and Chris and Patrick and Jude (again?) ran well. Zack nailed the desk. While Shannon habitually busts warrants, he did fix a turnout on the fly, impressing the crap out of me. Everyone else needs to up their games and take charge of their session.

Maybe we should take a hint from states wanting to arm teachers and arm our superintendent. That might work. Even a riot baton.

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Questions asked at the session (and some other recent ones). Now many can you answer correctly?

Q: Is it ops tonight?

Q: What trains can I run?

Q: May I have a throttle?

Q: May I have some engines?

Q: My train is stalled on the hill?

Q: Can I run a long train?

Q: Can I run an extra?

Q: Where do I set up an extra?

Q: Where can I put all my train boxes?

Q: What does a specific train do?

Q: The wifi is not working?

Q: How do I dial up an engine?

Q: How do I find an engine’s address?

Q: A visitor has come in?

Q: I have a while before my train leaves. May I talk with you?

Q: I have a while before my train leaves. What can I do until then?

Q: My train is not moving?

Q: Who left a turnout open?

Q: Who is shorting?

Q: What cars am I dropping at a specific yard?

Q: I’ve gotten a warrant. I can go, right?

Q: How much are snacks?

Q: We are out of toilet paper/paper towels?

Q: The dispatcher won’t give me a warrant?

Q: The phones are busy?

Q: I want to complain to the dispatcher?

Q: The dispatcher has told me to “standby”?

Q: A turnout is broken/does not work?

Q: A train derails in a specific location?

Q: A specific car won’t stay coupled?

Q: I have a comment about operations paperwork?

Q: All general questions/comments about the session?

Q: Want to hear a funny joke/story?

Q: Another train and I are tangled together at a meet?